Maintaining Self Throughout the Holiday Season

By: Tamara Ince

Seasons Greetings! Its that time of year when we reflect on all that we have accomplished and/or what must be tweaked to move closer to our desired goals. Its' a time of fellowship with old friends and grand celebrations with family. But for some, it also means returning to our home and revisiting a past that we wish to be forgotten. Whether it was past abuse, an earlier life inflicted with poverty, sibling rivalry, the scene of a traumatic event, or criticism from family- its trauma revisited. Here are a few tips on how to move though the season while maintaining your sanity. 

What should you contemplate:

Consider and reconcider the duration of time you plan to engage others. Consider how long you believe you can maintain your capacity to deal with the associated stress related to hosting those who have caused you harm in the past. Ask- Is the connection worth your discomfort? Have you forgiven the individual(s) in question. If yes, then you can better embrace the situation with knowledge that it is your choice to endure, and maintain the relationship. 

Consider whether there are paths to mitigate the impact of the stress, or stressors? If it is your relatives who are the perpetrators of the discomfort, ask whether it is possible to make other arrangements- such as a shorter stay, breaking up your stay by engaging other activities while on holiday, or simply reserving a hotel which would provide you the ability to control how much time others have access to your person. 

Helpful Interventions:

• Go for a walk, or run- allows you to process your thoughts, place matters in perspective, and support positive mood by producing. The key phase is stay active!
• Practice gratefulness- at the end of each day during your visit home, take inventory of all that is actually working right in your life. 
• Practice mindfulness- each morning upon awakening, or before retiring to bed, engage in a mindful activity (i.e., yoga, deep breathing, guided mediation). 
• Taking a warm bath to help soothe you and allow you to recenter your being. 
• Obtain as much restful sleep as possible, which can assist in insulating your capacity to be resilient. 
• Take all meds- for both physical health and mental health as instructed by your prescribing physician. 
• Engage libations with moderation. Whether substance is a concern or not, alcohol is a depressant and  can support low emotions and depression. 
• Schedule a day or two to recalibrate before returning to work to give time to process your visit, and shake away the residual emotions resulting from any challenging encounters. 
• The goal is to be engaging and enjoy your holiday without allowing others, or reminders of your past self to disrupt the person you have become. 

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Author

Tamara Ince is the founder of Ince Counseling, a boutique style group practice that provides a safe milieu where individuals can reflect on their past, identify their triggers and learn to better manage their lives with awareness.  Tamara has always been curious about the brain and behavior, and how life’s circumstances shape how we feel about ourselves and how we receive information from our environment.  Follow:Tamara @InceCounseling