Money Can Buy Happiness, Yet Destroy Relationships (Compulsive Shopping)

By: Tamara Ince

You spend a bit of your hard earned money for a once in a lifetime experience and the joy you feel is indescribable.  Money can buy security, experiences, and freedom, which can lead to increased happiness.  Yet, there is the dark side of money.  Some compulsively overspend and spend money they don’t have.  Some who do this wear their ability to shop as a badge of honor.  However, it can actually be a destructive habit and perhaps even a psychological disease or symptom of a disease.  Research has found that over-spending in general or to cope with stress can be a symptom of psychological disorders, such as anxiety, addictive disorder, bi-polar disorder, depression, and others.

Money is one of the top ten reasons for divorce, according to experts. It is rarely lack of money that causes issues.  Instead, it is a lack of agreement on how to handle money.  Studies have shown that overspending is more likely to sink a relationship than sexual infidelity.  This is why we need to explore our relationship with money.  When we find ourselves overspending, we need to think about:

• How did we get here?
• Why are we here?

This can be difficult and lead to very personal discussions, which could reveal childhood traumas or mental conditions.  In order to relegate money to its appropriate position in our lives and avoid overspending, we need to understand ourselves.  Studies have shown that our first childhood experiences with money dramatically impact how we view it and spend it.  You can start this process of understanding yourself, how you got to the point of overspending and destroying your relationship due to this, and why you continue to overspend despite the consequences by taking a few minutes to write down your first memories of money, particularly impactful experiences with money, and investment history.  Yet, to really address overspending, you must delve deep into the issue.
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Therefore, if a friend, a spouse, or you tend to use credit cards frivolously, spend money you can’t afford to, or spend money unnecessarily consider talk therapy.  Behavior science suggests that money-related issues are hardwired in our brains and negative experiences associated with money can have major impacts on our lives.  This is why talk therapy can be a necessity.  It can help address core issues, teach concrete and practical strategies for handling money, train people in boundary setting, and address underlying psychological concerns. 

Changing your life can be challenging.  This is why it is vital that you consider a 12 step program, such as Debtors Anonymous.  These programs will provide you with support to achieve your goals and hold you accountable for your actions through sponsorship and meetings.  They can help you make permanent changes to improve your life and break the cycle of spending and hurting those you love. Let’s work together and stop overspending from creating havoc in our lives.

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References:

• Glatt, Max M., and Christopher CH Cook. "Pathological spending as a form of psychological dependence." Addiction 82.11 (1987): 1257-1258.
• Koran, L. M., Faber, R. J., Aboujaoude, E., Large, M. D., & Serpe, R. T. (2006). Estimated Prevalence of Compulsive Buying Behavior in the United States. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 163(10), 1806-12. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/220500938?accountid=1229
• Kyrios, M., Frost, R. O., & Steketee, G. (2004). Cognitions in Compulsive Buying and Acquisition. Cognitive Therapy and Research,28(2), 241-258. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1023/B:COTR.0000021543.62799.31

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Author

Tamara Ince is the founder of Ince Counseling, a boutique style group practice that provides a safe milieu where individuals can reflect on their past, identify their triggers and learn to better manage their lives with awareness.  Tamara has always been curious about the brain and behavior, and how life’s circumstances shape how we feel about ourselves and how we receive information from our environment.  Follow: Tamara @InceCounseling